I think you're missing the point of the COBOL comparison. It is not meant to imply that Java is similar to COBOL as languages go, or that it is as bad as COBOL, or even that COBOL is bad.
In fact, you described exactly why it is the new COBOL: because it is also an efficient and popular language for common business problems of our era, that is hugely popular, but mostly in "unexciting" places like large internal enterprise apps, out of sight for many. And just like COBOL, it will keep ticking on like that, probably forever.
In fact, you described exactly why it is the new COBOL: because it is also an efficient and popular language for common business problems of our era, that is hugely popular, but mostly in "unexciting" places like large internal enterprise apps, out of sight for many. And just like COBOL, it will keep ticking on like that, probably forever.