>The issue appears to be that they do magical stuff when they spot a WiFi connection, or when my WiFi router does its daily reboot.
I think that might've been my issue that kept waking up my desktop. I tried disabling everything I could to stop wake ups - to make it only wake up on pressing the power button, but I never got it to work properly. The desktop would just seemingly randomly decide that it wants to wake up again. I eventually stopped trying to put computers to sleep - it's either shut down or it just stays running.
I think that might've been my issue that kept waking up my desktop. I tried disabling everything I could to stop wake ups - to make it only wake up on pressing the power button, but I never got it to work properly. The desktop would just seemingly randomly decide that it wants to wake up again. I eventually stopped trying to put computers to sleep - it's either shut down or it just stays running.