My grandfather died a few years ago. By all accounts, he was opinionated, mean, and yelled at people a lot -- until a stroke humbled him.
When it was time to speak, nobody got up to say anything, until I did. I mentioned so many of us had negative feelings about him, and then recalled what good things he did for us. That ice broken, several of my cousins also stood up and spoke.
My uncle, who had arranged the funeral, closed it off by saying to everyone in the audience that if you wanted your own funeral to have more good stories, it was a good idea to patch relationships while still alive.
I think I would have regretted not standing up to speak. My grandfather did good and bad -- he invented the type of artificial voicebox given to people with throat cancer. He performed lifesaving surgeries on hundreds of people. He also yelled at his grandchildren during every dinner. He leered at my mother and aunts.
And yet, I would have regretted not going to his funeral, and not speaking.
I wanted to say that at my mom's funeral. "Her good parts deserved better than her bad parts". But I was crying a lot, and trying to act normal around extended family who hadn't seen me for several years and at least one gender ago, so I didn't want to say anything vaguely negative.
When it was time to speak, nobody got up to say anything, until I did. I mentioned so many of us had negative feelings about him, and then recalled what good things he did for us. That ice broken, several of my cousins also stood up and spoke.
My uncle, who had arranged the funeral, closed it off by saying to everyone in the audience that if you wanted your own funeral to have more good stories, it was a good idea to patch relationships while still alive.
I think I would have regretted not standing up to speak. My grandfather did good and bad -- he invented the type of artificial voicebox given to people with throat cancer. He performed lifesaving surgeries on hundreds of people. He also yelled at his grandchildren during every dinner. He leered at my mother and aunts.
And yet, I would have regretted not going to his funeral, and not speaking.