You need to try Telegram. Not because it’s better but because it’s more insane. The QR code you use to add people when you meet them is in Settings

No it isn't. Hamburger menu > My Profile > QR button is next to your username.

On iOS it's in Settings (in the context of meeting people, you're not going to pull out a desktop)

We don't want an insane experience, it's an HOA group. That's all I use WhatsApp for.

Also, I despise telegram (just as much as X), because in Germany both are rotten to the core in terms of user base, worse than WhatsApp.

Signal or Threema would be great, and I voted for Signal, but the majority uses WhatsApp.

I used to use Telegram, but ever since Covid and the whackos that found their "truth" over there I say no thank you.

You don't use an IM service, because a subset of its users are "wackos"? I've used Telegram for many years now, and aside from the occasional "hot singles in your area" type spam, I've never been bothered by anyone.

Well, the subset feels like the majority. Which does not mean that they are socially a majority, just on those platforms. Telegram and X has been taken over by them, IN GERMANY. I don't know how it is in other countries, maybe it's more civilized there.

The actual reason why I use an IM is the HOA, as I said. Else I do not have and do not need an IM, except for my ejabberd server + Conversations clients so that devices can send me status updates, like "backup completed successfully".

To get them onto Telegram, where group chat is not encrypted, is a win by whatever three-letter agency pulled that off. ;-)

Same here. Telegram does not suggest contacts, groups or anything else to you. If you see wackos it's because you have them in your contact list.

It's the only IM I have used that works most of the time, is not Google or Meta, is free and is easy enough to get working for normies.

I'd use IRC, XMPP or Matrix but then I cannot contact the non-tech friends I want to chat with from time to time.

Except Telegram requires you to pay to have the option of only allowing your contacts to message you.

And even then, if the spammer buys premium, they can still message you!

True, but then the spammer still needs to have your phone number or your @username.

Sadly there are too many data leaks so those phone numbers are out there.

Phone numbers aren't secret. There's too few of them. It's feasible to send messages to every phone number.

The spam messages I receive don't address me by name. They're generic.

This is a somewhat recent new "feature" to force group calls, even if they're accidental. It's not what most people I know want, and there is no way to disable it for a group, just as there is no way to disable audio messages anywhere. WhatsApp is made to the lowest common denominator, UX is secondary to market share.