Ultimately you can only control your actions and attitudes. What happens if the SO is not playing for the team?

So again, team play comes down to self-giving, because you are not in control of the other person.

Amen. “We” is a word that is different than “you and I.” It is a word that requires both a plurality and a sense of unity. It’s an entity that needs both “you and I”, but also transcends “you and I.” It does need to compete with or replace you or I.

Dang autocorrect. Last sentence was meant to read:

“It does not need to compete with or replace you or I.”

Interesting point, and you need both. Team for things involving challenge and purpose, mutual care to sustain it all.

Exactly, it's an unrealistic depiction. And it's not a zero sum game. You can care about your spouse's happiness as well as your own, and can't rely on someone else entirely to make you happy.